Transitonal
by ungojos
Summary: Hermione thinks about herself and her many appearances. since i'm writing it and it's set as sixth year probably will be ooc, sadly, but there's not much i can do about it. features hermione doubting herself. finished


**Disclaimer:  I don't own Harry Potter!**

**Title: Transitional  **

I like the color blue.  Probably, because of a subconscious reason like: because it is one of the few colors that do look okay on me.  Back when I sent my mother a picture of me at the Yule Ball in blue robes, something she was convinced that wouldn't look good on me when I wrote her describing how perfect the robes are. 

Later, my mum wrote back to me after that and said I looked _simply beautiful._  Which was true, I did look "_simply beautiful." _Viktor said the same exact thing, oddly enough, which made me feel good.  I always felt bad about him; because I think most of the girls he met were probably groupies.  There really was an unbearable age difference, and it was pretty hard to fix, but at least we're still friends.

Still, I liked the color before the ball that I went to in fourth year, where I was, again, _simply beautiful_, because blue comes in so many forms.  Ocean blue and sea blue, baby blue and midsummer's night blue.  It's sort of like me.  

Sometimes I'm sympathetic Hermione, "Don't worry Ginny, you'll be able to face Dean again, even if you guys didn't end it on such good terms" and other times I can be consoler 'Mione,

"Harry, don't focus too much on Sirius death" and then there's the ever popular 'Mione who sits and holds your hand, 

"Ron, ignore the singing, I may not know much about quidditch, but I saw you guys play last summer and you were all great, don't dwell too much on it. Malfoy is a prat and always will be, don't let it get to you now, please?"  But those are my 'around other people forms'. 

To myself- I am Hermione- the wannabe Ravenclaw who studies like crazy.  Actually, no one has ever called me any of these things, but they are all things that I know I am, even if other people only see one dimension of it, or if they chose to name it something else.

I'd say 'wannabe Ravenclaw' is probably my most common form because I study a lot, and also, because all the Ravenclaw's I've ever really been acquainted with are really brilliant.  I always thought they were all geeks, and some of them really are.  But that's mainly just house stereotypes.  A lot of them are not overachievers like me, and just happen to be really smart.  I wish I was that smart, but I'm not, I simply study a lot, in fact, too much. Because of studying, I missed a lot of stuff that I could've done at the Burrow last summer.  

Actually I missed most of it because I was feeling self conscious about spending my entire summers with guys, and not having romantic feelings for either.  I was beginning to think, and don't laugh, but I thought that maybe Ron had a crush on me and I would date him, but I had a whole vision of us breaking up and a fear of splitting me, him and Harry apart, that I decided that I couldn't spend the summer with them, and lead him on.  I know now I was being childish and dramatic.

I was, also, going to be sixteen last summer, and I wanted a boyfriend and female friends and… I guess I really just wanted to be a normal girl for the first time, in a while. I didn't want to find myself hanging out at the Burrow listening to and talking about a sport I don't like too much. Besides, it does not sound appealing after you've just been through a long school year and you want to go and have fun.  I was misguided, though, I thought staying home and pining was going to be fun.

I didn't call it pining then though, I thought… I don't remember what I was thinking actually, but if I was actually thinking back then, I should've gone to the Burrow.

Why I dubbed myself the Ravenclaw wannabe?...because there are normal girls in Ravenclaw that get really good grades, and have boyfriends, and I want to be a normal girl, but still get good grades, and I want a boyfriend.

Of course, I made this self discovery, if I could even call it that, in the summer, when I was feeling depressed about having nothing to do, not even having any homework that I could busy myself with.  

My parents noticed I was doing nothing and was acting bored.  They kept asking if I wanted to go visit my friends and I kept saying no, because I was very sure that my summer would end up "good"- with a boyfriend. 

I suppose… now, looking at last summer from a normal person's point of view I was being a dreamer, like Luna.  I wonder if that's how she spent her summers before she was close friends with Ginny.  Probably not, she likely went on vacation to somewhere with her father, or something similar to that.

I feel bad for not liking her last year.  She's still annoying but… I guess I was… jealous isn't the right word, but it probably suits.  Who wouldn't be?  She might get made fun of, but she was still of the wizarding world.  In other words, she wasn't a mud-blood, plus she was in Ravenclaw, everyone knew she was smart without her having to prove she was, and…she's blonde.  I know she can't help it, but that doesn't mean I don't get to be bit by the green bug in my mind.  She was smart, and came off stupid, and I thought she liked Ron.

Turns out I was wrong about a lot of stuff.  I mean she's smart and all but she's not annoyingly perfect… Harry told me that in her dorms her roommates took her stuff… I suppose that's probably not so great.  And she doesn't like Ron, she's dating Harry, so I shouldn't feel threatened by her.

Harry and Luna dating sort of makes me feel slightly over-protective of Harry. I know that it's really me being selfish but I still would like to see him more often, Ron too.

Not being at the burrow, last summer, is the dumbest thing I've ever done in my life.  I missed everything.  Plus, I think I may have put an irreparable rift between me and my friends by not being there so shortly after the attack.

**AN: I've been meaning to write something about Hermione for awhile, and I ended up with this.  I think it's pretty out of character/cannon, although it's pretty hard to figure out exactly who she is in the books…, but probably not this  I doubt she'd ever skip the burrow.  Still, I know I sometimes I find her annoying, and other times she's really cool.  I only did her good sides because, right now, she's thinking to her self, so she's going to be in a certain amount of denial that she's bossy and annoying.   **

**Umm, does anyone find the first person ness of this annoying?  It won't change anything, but I'm curious how people feel about it.**


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